Slicers, Hookers, Cutters July 2019: Tomb Mold, Prurient, Mahr and Moar

Slicers, Hookers, Cutters is a monthly rundown of the best and worst albums released during the previous month. Let’s be real…there’s only so much time we can dedicate to albums every month, so feel free to tweet @BethpageBM and let us know what we missed. Understand, of course, that we may have actually hated the garbage you recommend…so if you don’t see a social shout-out for that release, you’ll just have to sit there and wonder whether we missed your comment…or whether your taste is terrible. This crushing paranoia is all part of the doom metal experience.

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2 Months 2 Late: Ridiculous Theories on Weather, The Open, Royal Portrush, and St. Andrews

ALERT: This blog post is outdated. We’ve been busy working on more professional golf writing endeavors and…here we are. A thrilling post-Open analysis…three weeks late. 

Sunday at Royal Portrush was excellent. The first three days were pretty great, but Sunday was excellent. First three days…great course. Great storylines. Great play. But we sat there looking for that final bit of links golf to come home and roost. Weather. And it came on Sunday, destroying tournaments for several players, and working to confirm the merits of eventual winner Shane Lowry. It’s easy to make observations on how the difficulty of some holes swings violently when the weather does. But we wondered…does bad weather add more to the chaotic elements of links golf when the route changes direction frequently, versus out-and-back routes that stick to a relative line, creating more consistent—and therefore adaptable—conditions for players?

Yeah. We’re asking if Royal Portrush is inherently more linksy than the Old Course.

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Ranking the 5 SPOOKIEST-NAMED Holes at Royal Portrush…Because Journalism

Many apologies this week: The editing staff at BPBM have been working furiously on side projects for other publications, which we realize is selling out on a grand scale—albeit not quite as grand a scale as Batushka B (the Batushka we don’t care for)—but it has been paying dividends (which is, after all, the entire point of selling out).

This week’s post will be a quick one, despite The Open being held at the epic and awesome Royal Portrush this weekend.

Portrush, like many classic links layouts, has a collection of names to go with its holes. We’ve chosen the five spookiest and aim to rank them based on scariness. The formula we’ll use is simple: 50% of the score comes from the epicness of the title, and 50% comes from the epicness of the hole. All subjective, of course. With that being said, here are the most metal holes at Portrush, based strictly on name. And also strictly on strength of hole. And not strictly on the definition of “strictly.”

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Slicers, Hookers, Cutters June 2019: Baroness, Fetid, Krzysztof Drabikowski & More

Slicers, Hookers, Cutters is a monthly rundown of the best and worst albums released during the previous month. Let’s be real…there’s only so much time we can dedicate to albums every month, so feel free to tweet @BethpageBM and let us know what we missed. Understand, of course, that we may have actually hated the garbage you recommend…so if you don’t see a social shout-out for that release, you’ll just have to sit there and wonder whether we missed your comment…or whether your taste is terrible. This crushing paranoia is all part of the doom metal experience.

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The Most Mysterious Golf Course In Sleepy Hollow: John D. Rockefeller, William Flynn, and Kykuit

You would think that a course named after Sleepy Hollow, which is in fact set in the very Sleepy Hollow of headless-horse-rider infamy, would be the most mysterious round of golf in town. It alas, is not.

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Langford & Moreau: If You Build It, Eventually We’ll Come Around (at Clovernook Country Club)

Let’s throw it back two weekends, to when we were theoretically celebrating Father’s Day and more-than-theoretically watching Gary Woodland clinch the U.S. Open. Black Metal Brother (he’s much more of a groove metal guy but, for the sake of alliteration, we’ll refer to him as such) recently gained fairly unfettered access to his company’s club membership at Clovernook Country Club on the north side of Cincinnati.

A few things to know about Clovernook: It’s about as unpretentious a country club as can be, and it’s doubtful that many golf fanatics were reaching out to members to get on for a “must play” round. That may get shaken up just a tad, as Clovernook was recently featured in The Golfer’s Journal, and that publication tends to generate buzz for whatever small-time course finds its way in. Even then, writer John Schwarb focused on the club’s caddie program in his search for a deeper relationship with his father. It’s a reasonable pursuit, as the club turns out more Evans Scholars than any Ohio course not named “Inverness.” Unlike Inverness, however, Clovernook doesn’t have championship pedigree. The course details therefore fell through the article’s cracks.

We were thrilled, however, to learn upon personal research that the route is part of the Langford and Moreau portfolio.

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A Dwarf Star Among Big Ten Giants: Rutgers University Golf Course & Lessons For Campus Courses

Having just watched Gary Woodland win his first major at the U.S. Open and, having been one of the slim minority to watch Jeoungeun Lee6 win her first career major, we now turn our attention to the third, and least relevant of the U.S. Opens: The U.S. Senior Open. With no offense to the gentlemen involved—many of whom had very illustrious careers—they are now living a non-PGA reality much more rewarding than the Web.com tour. We do not feel compelled to pay as much attention. That said, sometimes these guys play some bitchin’ courses that slide under the attention spans of everyday golf travelers. University Ridge, the home course for both this year’s Senior Open and the University of Wisconsin Badgers—is a decent course. If we were Badger students, we’d be happy have an affordable RTJ2 route at our disposal.

The Big Ten has several class-act (ha) golf courses among its members. As a Buckeye, we’re biased toward the Nicklaus-By-Way-Of-Mackenzie gem that is the Scarlet Course. Purdue students get discounted rates at a pair of courses from the Dye(s), and Michigan offers two different experiences with one Mackenzie layout and one Dye adventure. But you know about these (maybe). So we decided to set out in search of something different.

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How to Build A Winning (Read: Moneymaking) U.S. Women’s Open? Design? Location? Tiger Woods?

We at BPBM are stunned by numbers and perception on a weekly basis, and not just in terms of “we probably should have clubbed up for that slope.” No…it’s usually album sales. “How could Ariana Grande outsell <INSERT NAME OF FRENCH BLACK METAL BAND>?” But this week it was different. As golf course architecture nerds, we were thrilled with the lead-up to the U.S. Women’s Open. On one hand, there was the salivation from a design standpoint, as The Fried Egg and others pushed the Country Club of Charleston, a lesser-known Seth Raynor Gem. And surely the Hank Haney controversy could only push viewers to the event, right?

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Slicers, Hookers, Cutters: Best Metal Albums, May 2019

Slicers, Hookers, Cutters is a monthly rundown of the best and worst albums released during the previous month. Let’s be real…there’s only so much time we can dedicate to albums every month, so feel free to tweet @BethpageBM and let us know what we missed. Understand, of course, that we may have actually hated the garbage you recommend…so if you don’t see a social shout-out for that release, you’ll just have to sit there and wonder whether we missed your comment…or whether your taste is terrible. This crushing paranoia is all part of the doom metal experience.

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How New ASCGA President Jan Bel Jan Can Lose The U.S. Ryder Cup at Bethpage Black (ULTIMATE CLICKBAIT)

Jan Bel Jan’s signature concept—”Scoring Tees”—could be the trick to making the 2024 Ryder Cup more fun to watch for TV audiences (while also lessening the American chances at victory). Here are three holes at Bethpage Black that could score big (and fun) with “Scoring Tees.”

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Don't like us TOO much. Popularity will kill the scene.